{"product_id":"how-to-save-your-child-from-ostrich-attacks-accidental-time-travel-and-anything-else-that-might-happen-on-an-average-tuesday-paperback","title":"How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else That Might Happen on an Average Tuesday - Paperback","description":"\u003cp\u003eby \u003cb\u003eJames Breakwell\u003c\/b\u003e (Author)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe parenting humorist behind the viral Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn and author of \u003ci\u003eOnly Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse\u003c\/i\u003e presents the long-awaited guide to surviving everything else\u003c\/b\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eIn the era of instant parent shaming and viral hot takes, some questions are too dangerous to ask out loud: What's the proper first aid for my toddler's vampire bite? What should I do if I take a wrong turn on the way to soccer practice and end up in the Cretaceous Period? How can I fend off Godzilla without disrupting my child's nap? \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eFortunately, there's now a parenting resource that answers those burning questions and many more. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eProfessional comedy writer and amateur father James Breakwell's latest book tackles more than 90 survival challenges ordinary parents might encounter in their everyday lives, including: \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e - How to protect your child against tigers, penguins, mastodons, and other animals found in the suburbs. \u003cbr\u003e - How to defeat ghosts, gremlins, mummies, and any other supernatural force that might prevent you from getting your kid to bed on time. \u003cbr\u003e - How to survive crashing horses, trains, hot air balloons, and other vehicles you might find in the carpool lane. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eThis is an essential guide for anyone who has children, might have children someday, or is vaguely aware children exist. Put this book down at your own--and your children's--risk.\u003ch3\u003eAuthor Biography\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJames Breakwell\u003c\/strong\u003e is a professional comedy writer and amateur father of four girls ages 7 and under. His Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn has more than 640,000 followers who check in with him daily as he fails as a parent and a human being. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eBreakwell's comedy went viral in April 2016 when \u003cem\u003eBuzzfeed\u003c\/em\u003e featured his kid-centric jokes in an article that quickly drew more than 2 million views. His @XplodingUnicorn account grew by more than 400,000 followers in the following months. His jokes have been featured by \u003cem\u003eUSA Today\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eUS Magazine\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eDailyMail.com\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eMetro.co.uk\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eHuffington Post\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003e9GAG\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003etheCHIVE.com\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eCollegeHumor.com\u003c\/em\u003e, various ABC and Fox TV news affiliates, and countless other TV, radio, and Internet outlets. \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003eHis articles have appeared in \u003cem\u003eReader's Digest\u003c\/em\u003e, \u003cem\u003eThe Federalist\u003c\/em\u003e, and \u003cem\u003eAskMen\u003c\/em\u003e. He has been a guest multiple times on HLN's \u003cem\u003eThe Daily Share\u003c\/em\u003e, and they haven't banned him yet. He can open most jars on the first try and is only a little afraid of the dark. He still can't load the dishwasher right.\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNumber of Pages:\u003c\/strong\u003e 232\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/strong\u003e 0.7 x 7.9 x 6 IN\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIllustrated:\u003c\/strong\u003e Yes\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePublication Date:\u003c\/strong\u003e November 05, 2019\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Books by splitShops","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42735110357055,"sku":"9781948836456","price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0105\/8226\/1823\/files\/f05b888e18ad7b6a456480d5f5abd3b7.webp?v=1765142280","url":"https:\/\/dhl-adrianne.myshopify.com\/products\/how-to-save-your-child-from-ostrich-attacks-accidental-time-travel-and-anything-else-that-might-happen-on-an-average-tuesday-paperback","provider":"BBB","version":"1.0","type":"link"}